When living with sarcoidosis, it helps to be ‘Simply More’

Finding comfort, validation, and life lessons in Cynthia Erivo’s memoir

Written by 🦋 Kerry Wong |

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My mom visited me at the hospital during my latest infusion and, unsurprisingly, did not come empty-handed. She brought lunch and a few tchotchkes she’d picked up recently. Among them was a decal that read, “And one day, the girl with the books became the woman writing them.”

It made me a little verklempt. She’s so proud of me for publishing “Kaleidoscope: Rare Disease Stories” two years ago, and I’ve been trying to start working on a follow-up ever since. I know what I want the next book to be, but I haven’t been able to find the time, energy, or focus to make it happen yet.

It’s one of the frustrating ironies of being disabled. I can’t work anymore, so I’ve got plenty of time on my hands. But living with sarcoidosis is a full-time job in itself, so my time is filled with medical appointments, medication management, and symptoms that never take a day off.

So I stepped back, reverting to, simply, “the girl with the books.” I’ve got dozens of them waiting on my Kindle, and I seem to go through phases: I don’t pick it up for months at a time, and then I can’t put it down for just as long. A few days ago, I picked it up again.

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Using our role as ‘professional patients’ to learn and pay it forward

We’re not ‘too much’

One book that called out to me was Cynthia Erivo’s “Simply More: A Book for Anyone Who Has Been Told They’re Too Much.” After her incredible performance as Elphaba in “Wicked” resonated so strongly with me, I started watching everything she was in, and when I learned about her book, it was an automatic download.

I have been called “too much” of many things, but Erivo’s reflection comforted me.

“I learned that the things we get into trouble for as children—the toos—are early signs of our greatest adult strengths. The child who asks too many questions? She becomes someone who seeks to understand and solve problems. The one who’s too talkative? She uses her voice to speak up for herself and others.”

That was me as a child, and this was validation. “Because I said so” wasn’t a good enough answer from parents or teachers then, and it’s not a good enough answer from doctors now. With a disease like sarcoidosis, we must ask questions about our symptoms, test results, and treatment options. And when we don’t get the answers we need, we have to keep asking, keep searching.

As we go through each stage, from pre-diagnosis to a lifetime of disease management, we must continually speak up for ourselves. I spent four years being dismissed by doctors because they could not see my pain, fatigue, or dizziness. They suggested that I was “just depressed,” but I knew it was more than that. Undeterred, I continued speaking up, asking questions, and seeking to understand what was happening to me.

When I developed new skin lesions and joint swelling, I had proof that it was not all in my head. Still, the answers did not come easily. Lab tests were inconclusive, symptoms fluctuated, and I didn’t fit neatly into most common conditions’ diagnostic criteria. But continuing to speak up enabled my doctors to fine-tune their examination and testing until we finally confirmed my rare disease diagnosis.

At the same time, I began to get involved in patient advocacy. I asked questions, attended events, and eventually began leading programs and creating new opportunities. Now, it isn’t only for myself. Just as Erivo theorizes, I use my voice to speak up for other patients. I share what I’ve learned to help them feel seen, validated, and empowered to ask questions and speak up for themselves, too.

Overall, “Simply More” reads like a cross between memoir and self-help. While many of these life lessons offer universal wisdom, one stands out as especially valuable for anyone managing a chronic illness:

“Assemble your team. Don’t do this life alone. Just make sure those around you are willing to tell you the truth, even when it’s not what you want to hear. They are the people you need.”

This is sage advice! Our “team” includes any number of medical specialists and complementary or alternative therapy providers, as well as the friends, family, and chronic illness community who help us through the physical and emotional ups and downs. We need people with knowledge and experience we can learn from; people who encourage us, but also challenge us. We will have more questions as the disease progresses, so we must surround ourselves with people who respect us enough to listen, believe, and answer honestly.

After reading this book, I feel called to reject Goldilocks’ famous criticism in the three bears’ home. If you ask Cynthia Erivo — or me — sometimes being “too much” is just right.


Note: Sarcoidosis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Sarcoidosis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to sarcoidosis.

Iris Kahn avatar

Iris Kahn

You always speak your truth

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🦋 Kerry Wong avatar

🦋 Kerry Wong

My mother taught me not to lie. (Thanks, Mom.) 💜🦋

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Rodney W Holtz avatar

Rodney W Holtz

I wish there was something for adjent orange

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🦋 Kerry Wong avatar

🦋 Kerry Wong

I'm sorry Rodney. I wish there were better answers in research, but I hope you can at least find comfort in the sarcoidosis community. We are here for you. 🦋

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Laurel avatar

Laurel

As a homebound person living with Sarcoidosis ( non pulmonary, multi organ, chronic, systemic Sarc of 15 years) I still have those days where I wonder what it was all for. I worked my butt off getting a degree only to be disabled at 43 ( sec arthritis, fibromyalgia, and a plethora of other illnesses. I like the idea of being talkative so Ican advocate for myself and others! That helps make sense where there is none. Last year I was dig nosed with T1d at the age of 60! Not only is having a rare disease a full time job, but there are no days off or overtime!

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🦋 Kerry Wong avatar

🦋 Kerry Wong

I surely understand, Laurel, and have also felt the frustration of "wasted" years of hard work only to lose an important career ... but we can still put our minds and skills to work for our community. Sending hugs and hope your way! 🦋

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Wanda Lyons avatar

Wanda Lyons

Tonight was a very hard night for me.. and in my search for.. I have no idea, I ran into information on a man named Rodney Reese in Baton Rouge with group help. After spending almost an hour pouring out my *heart* in an email thanking him for being there.. I find your your post about him and his passing. It touched me, that even in my weakest moment , that his spirit reached out to me to allow me to find the words I needed, and then helped direct me to your posts. It grieves me to hear of his passing but I wish to share my email that I sent to a kind *spirit*.

Dear Mr. Reese,
I found myself finding your information while sitting in the dark at 11 pm, for once since 2021 of falling apart. I know that you are a stranger and that if anything you would suggest to me of finding a therapist in hopes of another pill to swallow to mask or hide emotions suppressed as I traveled on this long journey on my own with no guidance, finding partial truths and sometimes small grains of wisdom shared with me over time.
I don't even know why I am writing, for I don't even know if this address is even active or even in use anymore. Listen to me, you probably thinking " wow.. so much negativity for a first email" Probably wondering " what is my goal in writing? What am I searching for? how could you help?" Honestly sir? As I sit here staring at my screen, in the dark as I listen to music in my headset trying to drown out all of the " Why me? Some one.. please.. see me."
I promise sir, that I am not a nut case, just someone that has been floating in this sea of " what now?" with stage 4 pulmonary sarcoid, finding out that it is in my eyes, and possibly even just in my head period affecting sinuses and on and on. Why am I even telling you this? I don't know other than for once...I find myself cracked and broken like fine china mishandled. " Why not call? I am not comfortable speaking out loud that the one that is "Over all a calm and warm female , with an uplifting personality " is actually someone that is finding herself lost.. drifting. Sad and scared.
" Never show weakness, never show that you are hurting, and never let them see you cry" words that echo in my mind told over and over as I grew up. How am I to say " I need..." when I am not supposed to say those words? Or to even acknowledge that I do? I am sorry that I am dumping all of this into your email *lap* I just needed to silently scream and cry out for a change to someone that knows what " Sarcoidosis" even is.
I know that for me to even say "Thank you for listening" is very presumptuous of me, since you never even gave me permission to even unload on you in this email, but I do thank you. It is the first time that I gave life to words in my poor soul, to acknowledge that I am lost and scared. Well, I think I have burdened your mind and senses with all of my words, enough. I took something that is finally kicking in and perhaps I can lose myself in dreams and not dwell on the fact that I am sick.
*Tries to make amends by leaving a fresh cup of coffee, hot and flavorful for your enjoyment*

forever grateful from a role player that can express herself through written word but forever lost in voice...

Yours truly,
Wanda Lyons

*Thank you Mr. Reese for giving me the chance to give life to words. Your spirit was most welcomed.* and thank you Kerry

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🦋 Kerry Wong avatar

🦋 Kerry Wong

Wanda, thank you so much for sharing this. Even without knowing him, you have captured Rodney's spirit -- he would be there to listen, to comfort, and to help lighten your load. I am glad that you found his story, and mine, and that you have been able to unburden yourself to us. Even the calmest, most uplifting of us all may find ourselves lost at times ... and that's when we can turn to each other. You are not alone, and I am sure that YOUR words are offering comfort to others, too. 🦋

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